I am not who I think I am

Thinking is basically an analysis which is based on how one perceives and believes thing to be and self perception is not an exception to that. Through perceptions about ourselves, that is how we believe we act and what words we use and other data constitute an image of ourselves in or own eyes. These perceptions ‘seep’ down into our belief system creating or changing beliefs which affect our actions, thoughts and words. These make up the data being perceived about ourselves and so the circle is complete.

There is not a specific point where the process starts or ends, it is continuous in nature. Perceptions building up an image that forms beliefs that are the cause of action, thoughts and words that constitute the information needed for self perception. This cycle is UNCONSCIOUS or lacking awareness. This means that the process is automatic and does not involve conscious choice making.

Question: What’s the harm in that?

Let’s consider an example. A runner in a marathon strives hard to win but loses by a margin of seconds. She feels disappointed in herself and angry. She is also terribly sad because she ‘believes’ that she sis supposed to be sad as this is the normal reaction of a loser. Other beliefs like;
‘Who does not win and get the first place loses and losers are supposed to be ashamed of themselves’,
‘One is more loved when one has achieved something and most loved when he is at the top’, and
‘Results count, not efforts’,
tell her to feel bad about herself and create a fear that she will be unloved. These disappointments and fears could reach to such an extent that she might resort to cheating next time she competes in something, desperation is born. Now what can awareness do to help?

Conscious choice making is about examining and intervening the cycle and introducing perceptions and beliefs consciously into it. She could choose to consciously tell herself any or all of these beliefs;
‘Someone has to lose, I did my best and that’s a win for me’,
‘I do not need a trophy to tell me I am good’,
‘Since I am good either way, I will always be loved’,
‘There is no competition’, and
‘Being at the top loses scope for improvement; it is the ebb and flow that makes learning possible’.

When she would introduce these beliefs that really a matter of perspective, she would come out with better actions and words and would feel good about herself eventually creating a nicer self perception. She would be inclined to have respect for the winner and would draw inspiration to improve. Note how she can use the same cycle, the same process to produce a very different outcome.

Question: In such situations, it is hard to remember these things or even focus on something. It’s easier to just let go and not think about it. Isn't that true?

Even though we think that we are not thinking about it, we are still thinking about it. The very thought that we should not think about it makes us unaware of the process and so we do the thinking in the ‘unconscious’ mode. The trick is to give it attention, to ask yourself, using introspection, why you are feeling the way you are, what is causing you to act that way or say those things. Trace back those actions and words to the beliefs they are coming from.

When you become aware of those beliefs, know that you are not your beliefs but in truth beliefs form from your choices, conscious or unconscious. Then introduce a belief, affirm it and tell it to yourself, a belief that works to improve and explore your talents and express your grandest vision about yourself. If you find introspection difficult, try retrospection. Look back at an event after it has occurred and examine how you felt or what you did and ask yourself why.

This conscious introduction in the cycle need not be at the belief level only, you can choose to change your perception or actions or words and produce the desired change in beliefs because it all goes in a cycle. Try to change ‘I don’t like rock music so I was dead bored during the concert’ to ‘I never liked rock music but I chose to enjoy the concert since I was already there. It wasn’t bad after all’.

The awareness of the working of this cycle and the habit of consciously using it to act and react in every situation, especially extreme ones, gives us the power to control our emotions and use our efforts in a beneficial way.
The key, then, is:

I AM NOT WHO I THINK I AM… I AM WHO I CHOOSE TO BE